I have been in countless business situations and discussions where emotions tend to take over and we end up harboring some sort of resentment towards the other party.

“Remember when Sally told me that I could be doing a better job? Even though she’s my boss, I’ll never forget that.” Conversations like this happen all the time and in general, it’s likely a woman talking. I am so jealous that men seem to be able to air their dirty laundry and just move on, in business and outside of business. It drives me nuts!

Ladies, I don’t mean to generalize but we do act this way. We’ll inject our emotions into a heated conversation or we’ll go back and forth in a passive-aggressive e-mail exchange until we get the last word whether the other party is a man or a woman.

I know; I’ve done it and have had it done to me. You know who you are. You may get a nasty e-mail from a colleague, and start feverishly typing what you really feel. You get all worked up and pissed off and then send the e-mail only to regret it the next day. Me? I’ve learned to send them to myself. Too many times I’ve let go the emotional e-mail to the intended recipient only to start a sh*t storm.

And on that note, it’s easy to be less emotional over an electronic medium, isn’t it? Or to hold yourself to different standards than you would face-to-face with a friend or colleague. You may have had fights over instant messaging and fights over e-mail and would probably never SAY the same things you write.

Men will just go up to each other face-to-face, say what’s on their minds, agree or agree to disagree. They then hug it out, call each other bro, and the conversation is over. Next topic? Did you see that Lakers game last night? Kobe rocked it! Let’s go grab a beer after work!

I wish that it was easier for women to just get over it. I used to have a female employee who talked the “Get Over It” talk, but it was her goal to always get the last word in every nasty conversation that she spurred online. She would fight to the bitter end and disagree with almost every decision I made, yet when confronted face-to-face she couldn’t really handle the controversy and we rarely -- if ever -- had a constructive ending that left me feeling positive.

I think we could really take a lesson from our male counterparts. When a heated discussion happens, and it does happen, do it face-to-face or phone-to-phone and get it all out on the table, emotion free. Then get over it and move on.

It doesn’t matter if you’re in fashion or you’re in law, working in an environment where there are a lot of women can be either really fun, or an incredible challenge.

In the early years at my company VerticalResponse, we used to have a lot of women in the office, though now we’ve evened out for the most part. One thing’s for sure, where there were a lot of women, there are some recurring ‘characters;’ that pop up over and over again. Here are some of the personas we’ve experienced, that you might identify with within your own company:

• Copycat Carrie - One woman would admire a pair of shoes on her co-worker. Two days later, she’d come in wearing the same shoes, and her co-worker would be shocked that she hadn’t asked permission to buy them! It started some real gossip around the office.
• Let It Hang Out Hillary – Much to the chagrin of HR, I actually once had to send an email to the girls to “cover their assets.” Why? Because a few (of the few) men that worked for me were spending a bit too much time at the desk of one particular girl.
• Gabby Gabrielle - We had a woman who got on the phone every day for hours with her relatives discussing the family drama of the day. And it wasn’t a quiet conversation either. Everyone in the office knew everything that was going on.
• Shoppin’ Sally - There is a designer hand-me-down store right on the corner near us and many of the girls go over and see what the newest selections are. Since everyone knows everyone else’s size, they come back with suggestions for their “fella” co-workers. If anyone comes back carrying a shopping bag, there would be a mini fashion show.

So I’ve had some experience working with a lot of women, but I wanted some more stories and I knew just the place to go; a successful company called Splendora run by a wonderful CEO Gina Pell. They happen to have a pretty successful fashion blog and as a result have a lot of women who work there.

She told me that she thinks it has been more of a plus than a minus. According to Gina, “They all have the same work ethic, which is "work 'til the death!"” She went on to say that women who worked for her work twice as hard and twice as long as any of the men they hired. I’m sure it also has something to do with the passion of the industry that these women serve as well.

She does agree there is a downside: if there are sensitive women then there surely are feelings to be dealt with, but she’s been able to hire or cultivate people like her: tough as nails who can dish out and take critical feedback if necessary. Gina says the key to working in an all woman office is to weed out the sensitive and/or passive aggressive ones. One bad apple can turn the rest into a gossiping bunch of Bettys. Fair minded, thick skinned, cheerful straight shooters are the way to go, but that applies to men too.

The one thing I thought was brilliant is she put out the "no tears policy" to all of her hires since Gina has no time for criers and doesn’t believe it belongs in the workplace. The best business she finds is one that doesn't involve hurt feelings. I couldn’t agree more.

I’ve met many women who are truly amazing leaders. I’ve followed many women who are top-notch and have amazing degrees. One of my best friends has a Masters degree in HR, and two others have their PhDs; one in metallurgical sciences and one in statistics. They are truly brilliant women.

Me? No way. In high school I held down 3 jobs, 2 lifeguard gigs in the summer, and I worked as a restaurant prep person all year. In college, I was a Resident Assistant, worked at Public Safety, and at the local tavern slogging drinks. I was the person who was sick of school the day it was over. I started my first “real” job the Monday after I graduated while the other kids were getting ready to backpack through Europe.

I have been labeled as what some might call a “scrapper.” We fight fiercely to get the job done, whatever it takes. I tend to gravitate towards the types of people who don’t mind rolling up their sleeves and diving in. That’s how I’ve learned: on-the-job training. Even though I’ve hired MBAs at VerticalResponse, I’m very clear with them that they too have to roll up their sleeves and get scrappy.

Is there anything wrong with women who go to get their MBAs? No way. In fact the business schools are crying for us. From a recent poll, only 30 percent of the MBA students in the US were made up of women. Not only that, but we’re doing it later in life, around the age of 29, right when we’re in the middle of climbing some corporate ladder and are thinking about a family. No wonder there’s such a low percentage.

Doors can open wide for these women, and depending on the school, we can literally fly past other qualified candidates because of the sorority we were in. Maybe the name of your alma mater gets a foot in a VC’s door – but the viability of the business is what makes it successful.

So what are some additional reasons you may want an MBA? You might work in a large company that is very structured and the only way to get ahead is have a degree. And with so many more men than women getting their degrees, it’s no wonder we also have more male than female executives.

All legitimate. But there’s also nothing wrong with women who didn’t go to business school. Perhaps we couldn’t afford it, didn’t have the time, or wanted real-world experience as soon as we could get it.

Maybe I’m not as professionally-trained as I would be if I did further my education, and it may have taken me a bit longer to think about how decisions I make impact the bottom line, but I do think as a business owner, you have to be comfortable surrounding yourself with people who are smarter than you. And learning from those people is even smarter. Now that’s the sign of true intelligence!

Will I ever be a Rhodes Scholar? No way. Will I get into a big time business school? I doubt it. For me, life is too short for two more years of school. I’d rather dive in and learn. This scrapper has her sleeves rolled up.

I’ve worked for a bunch of companies spanning from New York to the Bay Area, both large and small. I have noticed in all of these companies that women apologize in our everyday language--me included. I’ve had times where a woman will walk into my office with a pre-scheduled meeting, and sheepishly say, “Sorry, is now still a good time?” I cannot remember a single time when I had a scheduled meeting with a guy who did that.

In certain meetings, I have even found myself starting sentences like, “Sorry if we’ve covered this and I can’t remember…” or “Apologies, if I don’t understand. I’m not a tech head but…” Why do we feel the need to do this? Hell, I even apologized for a typo in one of my blog posts because someone called me out on it.

If it’s so easy for women to spew "sorrys" all day long, why can it be SO tough for men to apologize? I found an article online that said when women apologize, we’re just being polite, while men don’t apologize because it’s a sign of weakness. I had a man who worked for me who actually did apologize--just not for what he did. Instead, he apologized for how it made me feel. “I’m sorry you feel that way,” just isn’t a substitute for “I’m sorry that I did that.”

Sometimes all anyone wants is an apology. It lets us know that there was an admission that the other person did something wrong, takes full responsibility for his or her action, and genuinely feels bad about it. We want to know that they’re taking ownership, not pushing it on to someone else.

Think about when you’re in a car on the freeway and someone cuts you off. Initially, you’re so angry, you might even catch up to them to give them a verbal smack down. But if you look over and see them say “I’m sorry,” all’s suddenly fine in the world, isn’t it?

Is there no middle ground? Being in the technology field and having an online service here at VerticalResponse, we’re always reliant upon other entities to keep us up and running. We need electricity to power the machines, and ISPs to make connections, so web pages show--the list goes on and on--and at the other end of the equation is tens of thousands of small businesses looking to us to help them grow, move inventory, and otherwise get the word out.

With all of these moving parts, there is always the possibility of something going awry. If a problem at any level affects our customers, an e-mail goes out from me personally to describe the problem to them, and to detail the measures we’ll take to hopefully not let it happen again. It’s topped with a big, ole apology because I genuinely feel bad we’ve interrupted our customer’s day.

Usually that’s a pretty bad day for me, but it always happens--I get a nice note from a customer saying thanks, no need to apologize.

Earlier this year, my company VerticalResponse signed on as the lead sponsor for StartupNation’s “Leading Moms in Business” competition, because let’s face it, being a woman in business presents its own hurdles. Hence this column. Add kids, and there’s a whole host of other challenges women face. So, hats off to the 200 women selected – and Happy Mother’s Day!

According to the Center for Women’s Business Research, there are 10.6 million women-owned businesses in the United States generating $2.5 trillion in annual revenue. With women starting businesses at nearly twice the rate of men, it’s no surprise that mothers make up the fastest-growing segment of new business owners.

Many of these amazing companies were formed by moms who were looking for ways to supplement their family income while still having time to be at home with the kids. Think “Avon calling,” or a great VerticalResponse customer, Dream Dinners. What is so cool about StartupNation's list is how many of the women on it have figured out how to juggle running a successful business with everything else. A lot of the winning businesses wouldn’t have been possible before the Internet era – and it’s great to see so many women taking advantage of the resources available to them to pursue a passion, better their lives, and generally kick entrepreneurial ass.

As a small business owner, I know work/life balance sometimes seems like a sick joke - or an impossible goal – but there are a lot of ways that technology helps. When I’m reviewing financial reports on the porch of my house in Tahoe with my husband, or taking a call with an on-deadline journalist while in a cab from JFK, I’m super thankful for the technology that makes it possible. These Leading Moms in Business are an inspiration, taking great ideas or solving their own daily problems and making them into viable businesses.

One of the main reasons I blog, here and on my own site, is so people can learn from my mistakes and experiences. Starting a business is scary – and running one is hard – but the Web is rich with free resources to help you along the way. Take advantage. Right now is a great time to read about these women, learn from their stories, and take the first steps necessary to go from having a great idea to starting a business – and make your mama proud.

Economy got you pulling your hair out, or feeling like you want to scream expletives at work? Well, why not bring on a little swearing at the office? It might be good for you. Now, before you start thinking that I’m some inappropriate CEO, hear me out on this issue. For starters, I’ve never really had many issues with swear words at home, around friends, and even in the workplace.

I’m not vulgar. I don’t scream and swear at people (just don’t cut me off on the freeway), I just happen to use a lot of fun adjectives to describe things. I don’t do it to be one of the guys, it’s just who I am. It’s more conversational in nature, only coming out when I’m relaxed around people. You’ll know I’m comfortable around you when colorful language emerges in conversation.

I just think that times are changing all over. Before the 60’s, men couldn’t swear in “mixed company” meaning if men and women were around. Today you can turn on any primetime TV show and hear words worthy of a good mouth-soaping in any 70s home.

Feels fairly normal to me, especially in the culture I’ve created at VerticalResponse, so off to the Internet I went to find out how people feel about (women in particular) swearing. I found some interesting information. I found that the newly appointed CEO of Yahoo! Carol Bartz is no stranger to a potty mouth. She told her staff at a company meeting that she'd "dropkick to f-ing Mars" anyone who was leaking company info. Bold Carol!

I also found a study that was done by U.K.-based Leadership and Organization Development Journal that showed that “social” swearing can actually relieve stress in the workplace and that swearing can bring people together and add solidarity to a group. This could even make for more productivity in a team. (It is frowned upon to swear in front of customers by the way.)

This study also showed that women assert themselves and swear more than men --especially in “mixed company,” to prevent the conversation from being dominated by men. But sadly, the perception is that she has low moral standing. Men, on the other hand, can get more respect when they swear, though they still tend to tone down the use of profanity in front of women.

So I started to think about VerticalResponse, because in general your teams reflect the way you think or act. Our people don’t usually go around screaming offensive profanity (unless they had a really bad day), which is disruptive and wouldn’t be tolerated. However, I’m never offended when someone drops an F-Bomb into a conversation if that’s the way they normally speak.

So should swearing be tolerated at any level? I think it’s up to the companies you run and the culture around the company. I don’t think swearing makes a woman look stupid or like she has low morals, in the same way I don’t think if she refrains, she’s stiff and unapproachable. Either way, I think that if she’s comfortable in how she communicates and with whom she is interacting: Go girl!

I have to admit, sometimes it’s hard writing about situations that speak to women in business because I don’t always think "like a woman." I think "like a person running a business." But I recently had a discussion with a recruiter we’re working with who slapped me back into reality: in this man’s world of business we’re just trying to inch our way to the top.

One day my CFO and I were talking with a recruiter about hiring a business development person for our company, to support our partnership goals. We got to the point where we were outlining the type of person we’d like:

• They have to be smart
• Great if they have actually worked in a small business since they’d be doing deals with large companies that serve small business
• The deals have long lead times (sometimes 6 months) and sometimes even longer lead times to get up and running, so patience is a virtue
• Once the deal is up and running, they have to be great at maintaining relationships and discovering other potential opportunities

"This isn’t your typical Biz Dev position," the recruiter said. "Normally Biz Dev comes out of a sales background. This isn’t your typical sales guy who walks into a company, does a deal, hands it off and moves on."

He was right, that’s not the type of person we wanted at all. So I shouted "A woman!" Hey, I’d be fine with any qualified candidate, but all bullets made me think a woman might be great. Then I got some harsh reality.

He proceeded to go on and tell me that it’s going to be really tough to find a woman for this role. Most sales and business development roles in the industry are filled by men. He said that one reason you don’t usually find women in roles like this is because of travel: if you have 20% travel in the job description, women who have families just don’t go down that path. In fact, he didn’t know of a single woman who he could even go after for this role.

Sad, I thought. Even sadder was when I was talking to a few (very few) women I know who are in business development roles. One told me a story about how she needed to hire someone in her group and her boss told her to "hire a man for the role because he’s going to need to smoke cigars and play golf to schmooze clients, and a woman wouldn’t ever do it."

But it makes sense.

This year I am a finalist for the E&Y Entrepreneur of The Year. Out of the 27 finalists for Northern California there are two women. I’m also part of a CEO group that meets regularly and I’m one of very few active women participants out of hundreds of CEOs.

Then I came across a statistic on CNN.com that said in 2006 the top 25 highest-paid executive men made $1.3 billion, 4.35 times more than the top 25 best-paid women. And no woman cracked the ranks of top 25 highest-paid executives overall.

More businesses have to start opening doors to women in these roles and more women should be going after roles like this. My door was open, but I hired a very qualified man. Like I said, I’d have been fine with any qualified candidate.

Barak Obama is on a hiring spree and women seem to be a big part of who he’s hiring. He’s looking at everyone who he thinks is qualified, many of which are women. Hillary Clinton recently said the glass ceiling now has millions of cracks in it because of her role in the presidential candidacy, but boy was she right, it is far from broken.

Since we've seen the markets go crazy for weeks, it’s due time to take a closer look at how we can shave to save. Every little bit helps, especially in a small business, so I’ve compiled a list of places where companies can cut without feeling too much pain. No one knows how long it’s going to be down, but it’s a great time to take stock of areas where you can cut back so you’re maximizing profit even if your business isn’t feeling the pinch.

Credit Card Processing Fees. Banks are hurting, but it doesn't mean that you have to bear the brunt of it. Call your bank and see if it’s possible to lower the percentages you have to pay when someone uses a credit card to buy your product. A fee reduction of only a percentage point or two can save your business thousands of dollars. When you’re comparing bank rates, in addition to the fees, make sure you’re looking at all the costs involved -- from the processing equipment and lag time for processing, to the extras built into the relationship that may off-set the hard cost. Extras such as bundling transaction fees in a monthly bill versus charging for each individually, or processing gift certificates as part of the deal, can save you money over the long run as well.

Paper Costs. With the exception of a few business types, it's becoming rare that you should actually have to print a document. You can read e-mail, you can read a document attached to an e-mail, and it's even quicker than printing on paper. So here's an idea: every time you go to print something so you can snail mail it, or read it on paper, ask yourself "Can I send this in an e-mail? Can I read this on my computer screen?" I bet you'll find that most of the time you can avoid the printer.

Another idea for reducing paper usage is to keep your documents online. Google Docs are free and you can invite people to share your documents and make changes to them. In addition to reducing paper, it reduces confusion because it offers version control and other management perks. I know an events manager at a local restaurant who was keeping event dates on a paper calendar until he was introduced to Google Calendar. Now he's keeping everything online. Added bonuses? He can access the calendar from wherever there’s an internet connection, and even better, the owners can access the calendar without having to contact him.

And clearly I’m going to tell you to stop printing out and snail-mailing your newsletter. Sending a hard copy is not only environmentally unfriendly, but it's probably about 10 times the cost of sending an e-mail newsletter. Now is the time to convert your subscriber list into digital format. The upfront investment of getting all your content and contacts online pays for itself pretty quickly, because it’s so much less expensive and more time-efficient to e-mail. Take a free test drive of VerticalResponse to do it, if you don't already.

Last, but not least -- stop faxing. Get rid of the fax machine! There are a ton of free services you can use as well as services that offer low monthly fees.

Travel. There are a lot of businesses that demand face-to-face meetings to close the sale, and if that’s the case for you, then you probably can't cut down drastically. When times are tight, though, there are many ways to have meetings on the phone, even if you need to present. Check out InterCall and GoToMeeting for web conferencing, and Glance to share your desktop.

Also, have you looked at your frequent flier statement recently? Now is the time to pay for travel with rewards if it is an important part of how you do business. If you can sync some of your business spending with earning higher rewards, do it.

Supplies. Take a look at the monthly supplies you purchase for your office, warehouse, or other physical locations. Can you save money buying cheaper paper plates? Can you make a one-time purchase of real silverware for the lunch room instead of buying plastic utensils? Do you really need name-brand paper towels? Are there coupons you can use from the Sunday paper? It might not seem like a lot but it all adds up.

Phones. Do all of your employees need a phone? Of course you'll need them, especially if you have sales or marketing folks who have to speak to customers or order inventory. But, if you've got a group of employees that don't need their own, try setting up a phone for them to share. Also look at Voice over Internet Protocol. VoIP allows users to access regular telephone networks anywhere through an internet service provider, which can help cut down on long distance charges. For a listing of providers go here.

Shipping Costs. If you ship a lot of your products, why not put a call into your shipper to see how you can reduce some of those costs. I also found this blog post from the Shipping Coach with tons of advice on reducing shipping costs.

Little by little it all adds up, so make sure you keep a close eye on everything you're spending money on!

There you are, one of two women in a meeting room full of men, or perhaps in a loud bar one woman among four other men -- trying, trying hard to get a word in edgewise.

You try to speak, but Mike won’t stop talking. He’s got to get to the end of his sentence because he started one. He’s got a goal, and it’s to put the period at the end of the entire paragraph. You’ve got no chance.

A moment of silence occurs and you jump on it, only to have Bill start speaking over you, like you don’t even exist. You even start to speak louder to attempt to compete, only to lose, because Bill started his crescendo. You had no chance.

What can I say, Men? You like your points to be heard; don’t argue. In so many meetings you’ll talk over others (men and women) and raise your voices so that your point is heard loudest.
Years ago, I was being interviewed for a job. I went to the office of the start-up and they plopped me in the middle of a FIVE man semicircle. One would fire a question at me, and before I could answer another would answer it. If I was lucky enough to get an answer in edgewise, an extraordinarily loud conversation would ensue with each one talking over -- and louder than -- the other.

I ended up getting the job (a wonderful job), but was put in these situations on a daily basis. How could I possibly ever be heard? How could my voice rise above it all?
Here are a few tricks I learned -- and still use to this day -- to get a group’s attention and make my own ideas heard:

• Wait until what would seem like the end of the conversation (read: guys yelling over each other) and say, “Is it my turn to weigh in?” This commanded a moment of silence where they HAD to let me speak since they were all out of words and I was being polite.

• I raised my hand. No lie. You’ll be amazed at what a good old-fashioned 5th grade raising of your hand will get you. You almost stop the conversation and someone will direct everyone’s attention to you because again, you’re actually being polite.

• I spilled water on the table and while I was cleaning it up, I spoke my mind! That was probably the most desperate.

• I screamed “SHUT UP!”, then made a joke out of it: “The people from upstairs just called, they want their ear drums back.”

If none of this works, bring a bull-horn into the meeting with you. Then when the decibel levels rise, bring it out and join the conversation!

You meet a lot of great people -- and potentially great employees -- doing business. But until you're fully ready to engage them in a job, those great finds could end up doing more harm than good.

have a few friends who always have said, "If you meet someone and they're good, even if you don't have a position for them or work for them right away, hire them."

I absolutely do not believe in this "cart before the horse" theory for a few reasons. For example, why would you hire a salesperson if you don't have anything to sell yet?

If your company makes or develops anything, there is usually a timeline that tells you the type of people you need to hire. You might hire researchers that help you define your product or market first. Then you might hire product designers and developers to make the product. After you define a timeline on when the product will be ready to market, you should have pegged when you need to start marketing. Then you need salespeople and business development staff to sell the product.

Continue reading "Don't Hire Before You Need To"