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August 6, 2008
How to Get Heard in a Meeting Full of Men
Posted by Janine Popick at 6:38 AM
There you are, one of two women in a meeting room full of men, or perhaps in a loud bar one woman among four other men -- trying, trying hard to get a word in edgewise.
You try to speak, but Mike won’t stop talking. He’s got to get to the end of his sentence because he started one. He’s got a goal, and it’s to put the period at the end of the entire paragraph. You’ve got no chance.
A moment of silence occurs and you jump on it, only to have Bill start speaking over you, like you don’t even exist. You even start to speak louder to attempt to compete, only to lose, because Bill started his crescendo. You had no chance.
What can I say, Men? You like your points to be heard; don’t argue. In so many meetings you’ll talk over others (men and women) and raise your voices so that your point is heard loudest.
Years ago, I was being interviewed for a job. I went to the office of the start-up and they plopped me in the middle of a FIVE man semicircle. One would fire a question at me, and before I could answer another would answer it. If I was lucky enough to get an answer in edgewise, an extraordinarily loud conversation would ensue with each one talking over -- and louder than -- the other.
I ended up getting the job (a wonderful job), but was put in these situations on a daily basis. How could I possibly ever be heard? How could my voice rise above it all?
Here are a few tricks I learned -- and still use to this day -- to get a group’s attention and make my own ideas heard:
• Wait until what would seem like the end of the conversation (read: guys yelling over each other) and say, “Is it my turn to weigh in?” This commanded a moment of silence where they HAD to let me speak since they were all out of words and I was being polite.
• I raised my hand. No lie. You’ll be amazed at what a good old-fashioned 5th grade raising of your hand will get you. You almost stop the conversation and someone will direct everyone’s attention to you because again, you’re actually being polite.
• I spilled water on the table and while I was cleaning it up, I spoke my mind! That was probably the most desperate.
• I screamed “SHUT UP!”, then made a joke out of it: “The people from upstairs just called, they want their ear drums back.”
If none of this works, bring a bull-horn into the meeting with you. Then when the decibel levels rise, bring it out and join the conversation!
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Oh my gosh, did you ever hit the nail on the head. I am glad to see this topic addressed. I can't count how many times I've tried to speak only to be interrupted or ignored. I was fired once because I finally got so fed up at an all male board meeting and the lack of listening and communication with me that I lost my temper and said a few choice words to the board!
Great points! And if raising your hand doesn't work, standing up usually does. It's instinct to look at the person that just stood up (which will at least cause a small pause), plus it's a great way to project your voice.
What a wonderful topic! Many women would be tempted to fade into the background in this situation.
The greatest thing a woman can do is "command" respect. Having comfort with the topic at hand (i.e. knowing what your talking about) is key, and will allow a woman to naturally hold her ground.
If I were approached with a "Bill (case above)" while trying to speak, I would do the following:
-Make eye contact with the interruption (in this case, Bill.)
-Clearly explain that I'm not finished with my point, by saying "one second," or "excuse me Bill, one more thing before you begin."
You don't have to be rude, but you do need to assert yourself in defense against rude behavior.
I think this is bad advice. Raising your hand? We're not in school. Asking to speak? We're not children.
Getting heard can be tricky but we don't need to fall back to childhood to get our points across. I've done the following and have recommended these points to younger women entering the business world:
-- Stop speaking and look at the persons talking and say in an even tone "Excuse me, I'm speaking. I would appreciate your attention."
-- Gently rap the table with your knuckle - the noise stops the interrupting conversation and pulls attention back to you.
-- If you're at the table when another woman is being spoken over and who can't seem to get heard, come to her aid by saying -- in a slightly louder than normal tone -- "Mary, can you repeat yourself? I missed what you said."
Always be strong and assertive and know that at times, you may need to fight a bit to be heard. But it's worth it to you, your career and your business.
I find that getting to the meeting early and introducing myself to everyone as they arrive sets a good tone for getting attention in the meeting.
Even if they are people I know, I'll spend a few minutes discussing relevant business with them beforehand, one-to-one or one-to-two so I've set an attention dynamic with some key people immediately before the meeting.
Knowing the agenda in advance helps, too. You can research ideas on the important topics and plant some good sound bites with others before the meeting, so when the agenda topic comes up, those people clear the way for you by saying "Liz was just telling me a good point on that before the meeting" then everyone turns to you to fill them in on the details.
Arrive early, be polite, asertive and know your topic of discussion better than anyone else in the room. Set up straight and tall and maintain eye contact with everyone when speaking.
Its nice to be assertive,and yes polite too. But when you're a woman in a setting of just men. You should never have trouble getting a word in edgewise.Although these things do happen in everyday life,you must know its something missing. Appearance is everything. Not that you should try to entice, but let your beauty get the attention for you. They all stop talking when a Foxx walks by, or walks into the room. So they have to listen. Try a new haircut,dress,manicure,pedicure or something different. Use your "queeenship" to your advantage!
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